Halloween is widely believed to have originated from Celtic harvest festivals, many of which had pagan roots. Others think it’s not and is about bobbing toffee apples and playing ghoulish pranks. Others, like Amazon.com, think it’s just another way to squeeze more money out of its hollow-eyed customers desperate to buy their way out of a stagnant job and sexless marriage. Children think sweets. That said, if you are sitting at home alone this Haloween abstaining from meat as per the Christian tradition on All Hallow’s eve, and you hear voices; you’d do well to venture out and check the garden, large fork poised a la ‘jousting night’. It may be pesky youths practising the sugary tradition of trick-or-treating, or it may be voices in your head. The former can be scared off with a bowl of Werther’s Originals, but the latter is an altogether bigger problem for voices, usually angry voices, along with hallucinations, delusions, confused thinking and disorderly speech, is a classic symptom of schizophrenia.
Now schizophrenia is a bad business. It is a mental disorder characterised by weird behaviour and a diminished ability to understand reality. “Politicians!” you yell out loud. Indeed. Statistics though, suggest politicians are just being politicians and are all souped up because they want to get their sticky fingers on the strings of the news cycle puppets. They want to control ‘the narrative’. Even at the upper end of estimates, only 0.7% of people are affected by schizophrenia during their lifetimes which lengthens the odds your MP is not on the level. That said, it is well worth keeping an eye on. So too the office, for the gimlet eyes of the corporate executive, may well mask an unstable mind. Confused thinking and false beliefs are all too often baked in to the latest strategic initiative. Caution is warranted when you read that up to half of people with schizophrenia refuse to acknowledge they have an illness. Be careful out there.
If you have made it through early adulthood without running around in the woods and yelling “THEY TOLD ME TO!” when asked by a passing dog walker, why you are naked; then you should be ok. It’s no guarantee, but late adolescence is really the peak period for the onset of schizophrenia. This should be no big surprise given it is such a crucial period for a young adult’s social and vocational development. It’s no coincidence too, perhaps, that it is often around this age that a young person first leaves home and is assaulted by the bitter realities of a cynical system riddled with greed, jealousy and so little holiday. And breathe.
The causes of schizophrenia are usually a combination of genetics and environmental factors, both of which weave a sticky web that can catch any of society’s feckless youth. Like many health problems, start by digging out the family tree. Buy some sherry. Then visit whichever Aunt still rolls a bag of marbles and start ticking the extended family off, for the single biggest risk factor is having a close relative with the disease. “Old Uncle Tony, you say he drowned the puppies because he didn’t have enough chum?” Feign shock, and then move on. Uncle Tony is cold, possibly a little loose off the tee, but he’s not a schizophrenic. Tick off all the immediate relatives and it not only makes Christmas drinks go with a bit more fizz, but it also means you can shift your focus onto your immediate surrounds, your ‘environment’.
Before buying a box of fluffy towels and some scented candles though, have a word with your mother. If there is any sherry left, pour her a glass and ask if her pregnancy with you was ok. Should her eyes narrow and she grip her sherry glass so tightly her knuckles turn white you may have grounds for concern. A stressful pregnancy has been associated with increased risk of schizophrenia for whoever pops out nine months later. They say it’s down to reelin. Reelin is, as many of you will know, “a large secreted extracellular matrixglycoprotein that helps regulate processes of neuronal migration and positioning in the developing brain by controlling cell-cell interactions”. So, if your mother spent much of her pregnancy all het up and shouting at Huw Edwards, there is a risk that she may not have produced enough reelin. If she was also a little heavy in the hip, you might have another issue, for obesity is also a possible risk factor. But then Jamie Oliver has got the government’s health tsars convinced that obesity is to blame for everything from the lack of a Lothar Matthias-like midfield dynamo in the national football team, to the gaping cracks in western liberal democracy. The fatties are to blame.
Other environmental factors that can pitch you into the fog of schizophrenic living is growing up in a town. The urban environment, full of fumes, chip shops and graffiti, has consistently been found to increase the risk, by a factor of two. Throw in some drug use and a bit of playground bullying and you will soon be heading deep into weeds of psychosis. Social isolation, racial discrimination, unemployment and a dysfunctional family living in a damp house with no soft furnishings, as you might imagine, will all contrive to find you in the precinct on a weekday morning chasing pigeons in your dressing gown. Holding down a job will not be possible. About 85% of schizophrenics are unemployed.
There is not a lot to be done if you do hear voices. The main treatment is antipsychotic medication. Research suggests that a good 3-mile run will also help. Fresh air appears just the tonic. And cut out the cannabis. Painting too, is worth a shot. And put your name down for an allotment. The medication can help reduce some symptoms but as ever there are side effects such as weight gain and, much to the chagrin of Jamie Oliver, diabetes. The irony is often lost given the obvious desperation in alleviating the condition which can reduce life expectancy by anything up to twenty-five years. The human and economic cost of the condition are significant.
Buy a dog, some wellies and hit the hills. You may be out of adolescence, but in a world of online trolls, cheap chardonnay and Southern Rail, you don’t want to get complacent.
Hepburnsays 